nodramaqueen

Okay, I am one of those folks who wears a mask every time I go anywhere. Post office, grocery store, etc. I am immunocompromised so am a tasty target for the coronavirus, according to two of my doctors. Masks are very hard to come by, so I am careful with the two that I have left, that were given to me by my neurologist. I did have three masks...but... yeah, I did a silly thing.
I chew gum. Way too much gum. At all times when I am out of the house. I have dry mouth secondary to a medication that I take, and all the expensive dry mouth remedies do not work for more than about ten minutes on me, so I chew gum. I love bubblegum in particular. I am here to tell you: do not chew bubblegum while wearing a face mask. Because if you're like me, you blow a lot of bubbles with your bubblegum. It's a reflex. No thought process required. So you too may be wandering the aisles of your Walmart or other random store. With your facemask on. Adhering to the six foot spacing from any other humans rule. Blowing bubbles. Well, shit.
Yep. Blew a quite nice big ole bubble right into my cloth face mask. Which popped and stuck to the cloth, and my face. There was no getting that bubblegum out of that face mask. I had to remove the face mask and spit my bubble gum out to use the wad to sticky touch the remnants of bubble from my face.
Yeah, I used to have three face masks...

Yep, I haven't posted shit in over a year. So this is my sort of explanation...
I was having issues with my employer, who is the largest medical insurance company in North America and COMPLETE ASSHOLES to work for. Crappy pay, crappy health insurance, mandatory overtime EVERY FUCKING WEEK FOR OVER FOUR YEARS!! and a total lack of interest in the people who bust their asses for them.
So anyways,
I began having serious MS issues early in 2018. I told my bosses who didn't give a rip, and by June of last year, I was done. My neurologist pulled me out of work. I immediately went onto short term disability and hired a lawyer to help me navigate the governmental morass that is applying for Social Security Disability. My employer put me through hell every five weeks to recertify medically for my short term disability. My stupid case manager actually had the balls to tell me "I just don't understand why you were working full time hours and then suddenly you couldn't work. That does not make any sense to me." Bitch, it's because I HAVE MULTIPLE SCLEROSIS. Can you tell I have a lot of anger towards these people?
Anyhow, I spent six months on short term disability at 80% pay. My lawyer told me it would take about two years for me to be approved for Social Security Disability because the government is so far behind with the cases. So I have been hanging in there cos I don't have any other choice. I can't work full time, and as long as you are applying for Social Security Disability, you cannot have any earned income. I guess you're just supposed to starve. My attorney has clients who are living out of their cars cos they have lost their homes, etc. I have a house, a car, and four dogs. My family was absolutely not interested in assisting me in any way. (My mother told me to just go back to work and stop trying to take their money)In this situation, eBay has been very useful. And my ex husband stepped up and has funneled me about $1500.
So on New Years Eve I got a letter from the US government, from the Social Security Department, and I WAS AWARDED MY SSDI! I was flabbergasted, as was my lawyer. I was approved my first time through the system which apparently happens only 8% of the time. I also got a pretty good award, although it doesn't come close to covering my bills, lol. The really bad part, is, I don't get my first check until the end of February. And I don't get any more employer based disability since I now have SSDI approval. I can work part time to a certain income level and not lose my SSDI, but I have a leg issue that must heal before I can work. The biggest problem for me in terms of working is this: I won my SSDI because I can't really work due to what is often called MS Dementia. My MS is very extensive (lots of bad spots in my brain) and it is causing cognitive dysfunction. I am having trouble with my short term memory, comprehending complicated processes (like the sops at work), impulse control, etc. It sucks. I can take care of myself and my dogs as long as I am at home and can stick to my daily routine. I have some difficulty talking on a bad day cos I have trouble finding my words. And I am a big time talker, lol.
Anyhow, part of the reason I never posted anything about this was because my employer was watching me. I didn't dare post about my filing for SSDI etc, for fear that they would fire me and I would lose my short term disability. My lawyer warned me not to put anything in writing anywhere about what we were doing. Not even texting. Yeah, my employer is that big of an asshole.
So this is the first time I have put any of this in any written form. Having a brain that is becoming uncooperative sucks, but I am fighting to keep my house and my car and my dogs. I tried the roommate thing but ended up with a sociopath who abused my dogs and bragged about it. I went to court to get her ass out of my house. I have been selling things on eBay to get cash, and I closed out my last retirement account to pay my mortgage payments. Money is extremely tight but I am hanging in there. What choice do I have? I did get Obamacare for health insurance and I got it for free, so that really helps. I have friends who drive me to my dr appts etc cos they're all out of town and I can't drive far cos of my leg.
And now I'm rambling. Apparently I do that really often now too, lol.
So that is what has been going on with me the past year!

Ugh, I need to post more often...
Pretty much the same old, same old here. I have been officially diagnosed with fibromyalgia on top of my MS. This is a very new diagnosis for me and I'm still adjusting. I am allergic to most of the medications they use for fibro, so my internist tripled my neuropathy meds in hopes that will be effective. It actually seems to be helping, but I'm having a really hard time acclimating to the higher doses.
My parents are doing well in their assisted living facility. My dad quite likes it. He is down the hall from his older brother (my beloved Uncle Dick is 92!) and they visit every day. He enjoys the fact that he can take his numerous daily walks even in bad weather because everything is indoors. I set him up with cognitive therapy twice a week, and he is very engaged in that. My mother is slowly adjusting to her new reality and is a bit depressed about the loss of her beautiful home and I think she is a bit lonely. Her best friend died last summer of cancer, so she is still figuring out how to deal with that. She and Holly did everything together. But she is relieved that she has resources now to help her with my dad.
I'm fighting with my home owners insurance about getting a new roof on my house. I've had the roof repaired three times in the last year already. I got clipped by a tornado, (boy, that was one night I spent in the bathtub with my dogs! I'm not scared of bad weather, but damn, I've never heard wind like that in my life!), we've had terrible storms with really high winds, and lots and lots of hail. Big hail. Golf ball sized hail. Ugh. I'm tired of shelling out a hundred bucks every couple of months to get Big Yank (don't ask-- he's quite a character) out to fix my roof. It needs to be replaced. My insurance company disagrees. We'll see who wins this battle, lol.
Everything else is pretty much quiet. I've been making an effort to get out more and spend time with friends. It's very easy for me to be in the house for a week at a time and not speak to anyone. Working at home can be very isolating.
My flowers are blooming, the yard looks good, and my dogs are all well.

I only got to see the last forty five minutes of the Bruce Jenner interview last night. It made me quite annoyed with myself that I didn't get to see the whole thing.
I am old enough to remember watching Mr Jenner win the Olympic decathlon, and I thought it was one of the most amazing displays of athleticism I'd ever seen.
Now I have seen this man display the most astounding courage, the most soul wrenching honesty, and a true depth of class we should all aspire to.
I am humbled.



*Mr Jenner has not yet specified that a new name or pronouns should be used, so please forgive me for my use of his current name and male pronouns.

Well, I've had an exceedingly craptastic August.
Laid off with no warning from my job of six years.
Lost an old friend in a car accident two weeks ago.
Despite an excellent resume and great references, have been unable to secure employment so far. Nobody wants to hire someone with MS.
Apparently my only financial option at this point is to file bankruptcy-- and my lawyer can't guarantee that I won't lose my home.
I'm ready for August to be over. Hopefully September will be a better month.

I have to say, I do like spring. Love dandelions and all the daffodils that just seem to spring up out of nowhere around here. I always thought daffodils had to cultivated and tended like tulips, but there's a version that seems to grown wild in my area of the state. I've even seen bunches of them in cow pastures.
So, long overdue update. I'm still working, still muddling my way through my life, LOL. Managed to break a tooth, so I'm undergoing my first crown procedure. Fortunately, I don't have a dentist phobia, but it's still not exactly enjoyable. Especially since I keep breaking the temporaries. Argh.
Lost my elderly fawn pug, Molly, in February. She was 12.5 yrs old. Spirit was willing, but her body wasn't, and I had to make the decision to euthanize her. She was so excited to take a trip in the car and go to the vet (she loved my vet and his staff) that it just broke my heart.
My Chihuahua turned 15 this week. He is in early renal failure but still doing well. He's going with me as usual when I make my trip home to Pennsylvania in May to visit my parents. They love him and he likes to take road trips. It will be his last.
I have obtained a new dog as of about a month ago. Didn't plan on getting another, but, well, they just sort of fall into my lap! She is a two year old Chihuahua mix. She came from a hoarder situation. Her owner had 31 dogs in a tiny mobile home. She had never been outside, she was flea/tick infested, she was malnourished, she was not socialized, and she was not housebroken. First three days I had her, she spent hiding under furniture. A month later (with a lot of work and love), she is romping in the yard, playing with toys, snuggling with me and the other dogs, and she is doing well with the housebreaking. Her name is Gidget and she is a joy.
Lovely spring day here today, if a bit cold. Had lunch with a dear friend-- and managed to kersplat! outside the restaurant. Tripped over the uneven sidewalk. Huge lump/scrape on my knee, bruised knee and palm, and wrenched my back. So I'm sitting here with a bag of frozen peas on my knee, and eying the narcotic pain relievers I have left over from my kidney surgery. They look pretty good right now...
But despite that, it was a good day!

I've gotten so bad about posting! I can't get on blog/journal sites at work, which would be the ideal place to catch up. Oh well.
I've returned to my old MS medication as of this month (the monthly infusion) as the new one I tried didn't work. Sigh.
I developed a kidney stone-- that was a surprise! Never had a kidney or bladder issue in my life. It was a big one, and had to be removed with a scope and a laser. I had a bad reaction to the anesthesia and spent the night in the hospital. (It was supposed to be a day procedure.) The real problem was the stent the urologist placed in my ureter to keep it open. It was extremely painful. I spent a week on pain meds (which didn't help enough!) and on the sofa or in bed. Finally he took the stent out. I'm still undergoing tests to figure out why I developed a stone and how to prevent a recurrence. Joy.
I acquired a new dog in July. He was given to me by a local rescue as he has severe skin issues and they couldn't adopt him out. He's a Boston Terrier, about two years old. I've named him Colton, and he's a very good boy. I've got his skin pretty much cleared up, but I'm still working on how to keep it under control without steroids. He's going to work with me for the first time this coming Wednesday. I'm anxious to see how he does.
Still getting used to the new car. I've had it since Jan/Feb, but it still feels unnatural to me, LOL. We're supposed to have bad weather this week, so I'm very curious to see how it handles the roads. This car must earn my love! LOL.
Going to a friend's house for Thanksgiving, and I'm even making peach cobbler. It's an event! Diana cooking! I'm just looking forward to watching movies on their huge flatscreen TV, haha.
Happy Thanksgiving!

My beloved 2000 Honda Accord EX finally passed on last week. At 227,300 miles, the engine unexpectedly died. It may be kinda weird, but I loved that car. I drove it for ten years, spending an average of two hours every weekday in it. It carried me through some insanely dangerous conditions during the Nashville Flood, toted me through ice and snow storms, and zipped back and forth to various points in the US to visit friends or family. It never had a major mechanical issue and it never once left me stranded. It was comfortable and roomy enough to haul dog crates and assorted baggage, and it still got over 30 mpg. I MISS my car!
I've got a 2010 Honda Accord LX now. It's nice, it's big! (my, the Accords have grown over the years!) and it's red. It doesn't handle quite as well as my old EX (EXs are the sportier versions of Honda Accords), but it's adequate. I'm curious to see what the mpg will be, as I drive about 2000 miles a month. I'm sure I will grow to appreciate it, but right now I'm so sad over my old car! My ex husband says I'm strange because I cried over the death of my old Honda. Yeah, this coming from the guy who won't part with a decrepit truck he's been hanging onto for 20 years! Ha!
I told him it's not just grief over car death, but sorrow at the reality of car payments! I haven't had a car payment for years!

I nearly lost my Chloe on Thursday. At work of all places. I work in a dog friendly office, and she comes with me most days. She's a 2.5 year old black pug, and she has her own bed next to my desk, and an assortment of toys. She's a real charmer whose only fault is she is a food gulper. She was starved as a youngster, and it's a behavioral trait I have not been able to eliminate.
One of my coworkers gave her a biscuit, one of her favorites, and one she has eaten many times. This time it nearly killed her. Apparently she tried to swallow the whole thing, couldn't, bit it once or twice, and gulped the pieces. A large piece became lodged in her throat. I was facing my computer and didn't realize anything was wrong until a coworker said, "hey, something's wrong with Chloe". I turned around in time to see her pitch over on her side and start paddling. She was completely silent due to the choking--if my coworker hadn't noticed the problem I probably wouldn't have gotten to her in time. As it was, myself and the coworker who gave her the biscuit hit the floor. I Heimliched her (Chloe, not my coworker!)--no results. My poor pug was already blue from anoxia. My coworker flipped her up sternal, and I stuck my fingers down her throat. Well, one finger. Chloe, like most brachycephalics (squashed face breeds) has a very hypoplastic esophagus and trachea. I could only get my forefinger into her throat. I located the chunk of biscuit deep in her throat, but I couldn't grasp it with one finger and there was no time to hunt for some kind of utensil. So I pushed it down her esophagus. Pulled my finger out and swept as much of the copious thick saliva out of her mouth and the entrance to her trachea as I could. Bless her heart, my little girl took a breath, pinked right up, and started wagging her curlique tail. It took her a few seconds to get her feet back under her. It took a lot longer than that for me to wrap my head around the incident, let me tell you!
This is not the first time I've had to deal with animals or humans with compromised airways, but it's different when it's your own pet. There's a whole other level of adrenaline involved! Thank god the coworker who leaped in to help me is a former veterinary nurse like me-- she didn't panic and she knew how to hold Chloe.
I phoned my vet to confirm at home treatment for Chloe's abraded and inflamed esophagus (benadryl and topical lidocaine--which I have at home). Forty eight hours of soft food, and she's completely back to normal.
I have four dogs, three of whom are elderly and two of them have serious medical issues. But it's the two year healthy dog that nearly slipped away from me! There's no rhyme or reason...
And I have new gray hairs!

In the last month I have missed nearly a full week of work because of an MS related equilibrium issue that made it impossible for me to drive. I had another brain MRI (because of the equilibrium problem). I had an endoscopy. I've had five doctor visits--three with blood draws. And my usual infusion today. I am tired of people poking and prodding at me! Even with good sticks, I've got three large bruises and a mild phlebitis at one catheter site. I'm over it!